I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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