Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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