Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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