Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
