If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
