I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
