Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
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