her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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