Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
