I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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