So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
