One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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