I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
