apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
