im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
