Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
