she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
