I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
