I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I have feelings that need drinking.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
