when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
