Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
