dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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