she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
