hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
