i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
