Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
