Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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