Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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