Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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