Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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