Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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