I just made out with a guy for $7.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
