It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
