And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
