I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
