then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
