just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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