Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
