Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
