I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
