i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
