I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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