Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize