Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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