we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
