oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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