I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
