Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize