I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
