Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
