My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize