At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
