By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
