I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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