I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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