it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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