So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
