some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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