i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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