After last night, I could never be a politician.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
