Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
