This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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