go do what you do best...puke behind churches
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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