I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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