I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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