I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
