I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
