She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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