He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
