Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
