I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
