I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Alive.
So much puke
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
